I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
