I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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