Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Boobs speak an international language.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
