This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize