I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
