Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
