By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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