The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
