I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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