Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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