Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
