I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
