GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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