I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
