I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize