I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
