Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
