my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize