Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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