i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize