Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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