She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Please don't give away my fajitas
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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