In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
