I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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