The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
