Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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