umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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