wrigley field is MILF paradise
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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