Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
