No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
