so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm bleeding and have questions
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize