Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My first STD was from a foam party
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
