you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I could fuck to npr.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
