why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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