I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
