I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
