I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
