she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
