Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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