The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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