I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
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