Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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