your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
