I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
