lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
