Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
