i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
