Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
