I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
