Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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