i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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