he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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