wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
