She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
