I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
