btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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