That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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