I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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