we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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