do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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