I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
