she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
