I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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