Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
