just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
