I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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