She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
