I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
