Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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