if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
