I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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