She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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