if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
