i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
