The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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