I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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