I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
