How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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