its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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