i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
