First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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