Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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