She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize