She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
