apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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