My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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