I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
