So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
