Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Help. Why am I so naked?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
