I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
