Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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