Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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