I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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