Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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