When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
