I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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