Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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